Monday, June 20, 2011

Night Waking

So I’ve been having this problem a lot lately of waking up in the middle of the night.  And it’s not just for five minutes or something where I roll over and go back to sleep.  I’m up.  For hours.  Apparently I have a lot on my mind these days.  At first, I always try to put myself back to sleep by praying, because that used to work.  I pray for peace.  I recite a calming verse.  But it’s not helping me get back to sleep, so I switch gears and pray for my friends:  A friend who is trying to get pregnant.  Another one who just had another bad breakup.  A friend whose mom has cancer.  The list goes on.  I wish I could say I was fervently praying for these people – focused and intentional prayers – but it is the middle of the night after all and I’m up because I have a lot on my mind.  So inevitably my prayers morph into my own thoughts and worries and my mind is off and running again.  Like a hamster wheel. 
A former counselor of mine recommended having a time set aside each day to process everything – a very intentional time to write out worries or concerns.  (This was back when I was teaching full time and would lay awake thinking about my students or the lessons I had to teach – apparently stress does not magically disappear just because you’re not working).  So I try to journal like the counselor suggested, but I’m not doing it on a daily basis like I should.  Hence, the blog.  In a way, this is what this blog will be for me (and for Joe) – a way to intentionally document and process all these thoughts and events as we prepare for Costa Rica. I will start by briefly listing the worries that keep my mind running at night and then each of these will become their own posts eventually:
1)                   Kate’s speech
2)                   The big move: Seattle to San Jose
3)                   Insurance woes
4)                   Fertility fears
Until I write more, let’s just pray that I can start sleeping more, worrying less, and truly take to heart Matthew 6:34: Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.

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